The blasted Mr. Awesome has foiled me for the last time! He has destroyed my precious lair, and forced me to hide here in this insignificant town! But my revenge will come; Oh yes, I will make him suffer for my humiliation, and crush him like an ant beneath my boot! For I am none other then the famous Dr. von Vandersnitch, 5 time winner of "Crackpot of the Year," and I can never be defeated!
Anyhow, sorry about the monologue. It's required to monologue at least one to three times a week after a major defeat by the nemesis, according to Chapter 4 Paragraph II(c) of the Evil Genius Handbook.
Blasted Dr. Awesome... He could search any of the giant-skull-shaped volcano islands in the Atlantic, but noooo, he has to come and ruin MINE! Sir Sinister, the Black Eye, even Master Luze have volcanic islands nearby, but he always manages to airdrop onto my island every time...
It's not even like I made a personal grievance against him: I haven't shot his daughter/wife/girlfriend/friend with benefits, and I haven't even publicly challenged him in the last two months! He just likes beating up my flying dogs and hitting the control panels until something explodes.
And speaking of which, I need to order my new desktop computer from a non-evil retailer. Villains 'R Us computers works great, look nice, and are affordable, but the lack of an encryption ability, the requirement to be hooked into the base fusion system, and the annoying tendency to activate the self-destruct if mashed, shot, or if you enter the password wrong three times in a row has me seriously considering Best Buy and Target. Ah well...
The new landlords, Mr. and Mrs. Krindle, are naive and harmless enough, but this room is tiny, and lacks the pleasing shiny chrome of the last lair. In addition, shipping rates out here are highway robbery (I should know...), and the Mad Scientist Depot managed to break half of the glassware they sent out here with my new lab equipment. They act like beakers and test tubes grow on trees! I'm still working on growing floral silicates, but it's a ridiculous expectation.
In any case, the funds are running low, and I shall have to see where the nearest bank vaults and money depositories are in this hamlet. Hopefully they will yield green and papery fruit. Until next time...
In the name of Evil Everywhere, Sincerely Yours
-Dr. von Vandersnitch
About Me
- Johan Riopel
- Secret Laboratory, Somewhere nearby, United States
- Winner of the esteemed "Mad Crackpot of the Year Award" 5 years running, Dr. von Vandersnitch enjoys juggling, biking, and creating evil abominations to send after villagers. Recently, after his fifth consecutive defeat by Mr. Awesome and the destruction of his volcanic base, the not-so-good doctor retreated to a nondescript town the U.S., and continues to plot and scheme for the sake of evil everywhere.
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